Are Your In-Laws Instigating Your Divorce?

divorce

Are Your In-Laws Instigating Your Divorce?

Article by Divorce Blogger

They are never mentioned in divorce petitions relying on adultery or unreasonable behaviour, but when a petitioner is relying on two or five year separation, their spouse’s parents are referred on an alarmingly frequent basis.

This is alarming as when a petitioner files for a divorce on the grounds of separation they are only required to provide a date of separation and a very brief reason as to why the couple separated. Generally, a single sentence such as ‘we had fallen out love with one another’ or ‘we were frequently arguing’ will suffice, and I advise each client of this. Still, though, any number of petitioners has instructed me to make explicit reference to their in-laws within this document. “It may not be necessary,” they say “but it’s what caused our divorce so I’d like it to be included.”

My retort is always the same: “I will, of course, do as I am instructed, but the respondent will need to agree to the reasons furnished in your petition and mentioning their parents could provoke them. Are you sure you want to do this? It could delay the finalisation of your divorce significantly.” Some agree with my assessment, most do not.

What this indicates, of course, is that there is often a great deal of resentment and animosity towards in-laws. In the majority of instances, the petitioner claims that they persistently interfered in their marriage, subjected them to constant criticism and always claimed that they were never good enough for their son/daughter. The statements that they provide me with are venomous and often need to be toned down. My redrafting of their declarations is often met with protest and it takes a great deal of effort to persuade them that a more diplomatic approach is in their best interest. An offensive statement could offend the respondent, after all.

What, though, can an individual do to prevent their in-laws from bringing about separation and divorce? The most obvious answer would be to develop a thicker skin; to ignore the criticism and be grateful for what is, hopefully, an otherwise happy marriage. Whilst obvious, though, this is a far from practical suggestion. We all want our partner’s relatives and close friends to like us – or at least not dislike us – and their disapproval can cause significant hurt as a result. The best course of action, in my opinion, is to discuss matters with your spouse, inform them of how hurtful and harmful the actions of their parents are and ask them to discuss matters with their parents on your behalf. This is not guaranteed to solve the problem, but it’s far better than doing nothing and hoping the situation improves.